How To Rebuild Self Esteem After An Affair

4 Steps To Getting Back On Your Feet

Is it even possible to rebuild self esteem after affair? The truth is, it isn’t easy; it is, however, doable. Discovering that your partner has been having an affair could be devastating, and your self-esteem is only one of the many aspects of your life that could get damaged.

You may have been used to feeling safe, happy and confident, but you would now feel unhappy, insecure and full of doubt about yourself and everything else. It would not only cause a lot of negativity in your life; it would also make you afraid of future pain. It could make you question your view of yourself – your self-image, so you might start having feelings of inadequacy. You can, however, start repairing self esteem by repairing your self-image.

How to Rebuild Self Esteem After an Affair

1. Face reality

Betrayal, especially by someone you love so much, creates this huge gap between reality and expectations and leaves you feeling out of control. Some people would be in denial; they would refuse to give in to the emotional assault and just pretend that everything is okay. Learn to accept that you are not okay; that is the only way that you can start taking concrete actions towards rebuilding your self esteem after an affair. You may not be completely okay now, but you will be.

2. Take charge of your life

After accepting the fact that something went horribly wrong with your relationship with your partner, it is time to take personal responsibility. This is not to say that you should start thinking that your partner’s affair was your fault – it wasn’t. He/she was the one who chose to cheat.

Taking responsibility for yourself after an affair means that from that point on, you will take control – not of the relationship – but of yourself. You cannot control a relationship since it is something that two people should work on, but you can start taking care of yourself; tell yourself that you are strong and capable, and then start making yourself even stronger.

3. Recognize that you are a class act

Remember that when your partner shows great and genuine remorse and is willing to work on rebuilding the relationship, you have far more to gain by staying than by giving up. Choosing to stay with your partner even after the betrayal is not a sign of weakness. In fact, it takes a lot of strength and character.

Now if you chose to get some time off instead, but refused to let things get the better of you, it still means that you are truly a class act. Forgiving your partner would only show that you are a strong person; it would make you a better human being.

4. Rebuild your self-image

Remember that self-esteem is generated by how you view yourself and by positive expectations. Be in active pursuit of fun and happiness. Start doing the things that would remind you that you are awesome. If you are not sure where to start, focus on the things you are good at; that could make you feel better about yourself.

Whenever you start feeling inadequate and insecure, remember the good things you did, and the great things you could still do in the future. Focus on positivity. Make things better for other people; try to see the better in everyone, learn something new everyday and try to surround yourself with people who love you. If you can’t help but think of what happened, do not view it as a torture device; just focus on what you have learned from the experience.

Remember this one goal in maintaining self-esteem: the only person that you need to compare yourself to is the person you were yesterday. If the person you are now is better than who you were, you would not have problems in building your self esteem even after an affair. You could start with small steps but you will surely emerge stronger.