6 Steps On How To Regain Trust After An Affair

There is no other way to put it: it is difficult to regain trust after affair. In the aftermath of the cheating, it would be as if the relationship is utterly destroyed, which, in a way, is true. But the truth is, a lot of long-term couples have undergone at least one instance of infidelity. You would need trust-building and emotional closure though.

1. Be brave and own up

Cheating is the ultimate betrayal. You will only add insult to injury if you continue to lie and deny. Answer all of your partner’s questions. It would be embarrassing and painful for you and devastating for your partner, but that is the only way to go. Keep your answers as dry as possible (no juicy details) and listen to what the questions imply.

Questions about the other man/woman (i.e. Was she smart/sexy?) could mean insecurities. Don’t lie about what you liked in the other person, but use those moments as opportunities to reassure your partner that he/she is the best and the one you truly love.

2. Do not shift the blame

Take responsibility for your actions. Acknowledge that you have made a huge mistake. Make it clear that you don’t expect any sympathy. Do not be defensive or play the victim. That would just make things worse.

While you may have reasons behind the decision to cheat (i.e. you are bored or you feel neglected), never imply that the affair was your partner’s fault. After all, cheating is 100% a decision – your decision. Show remorse and regret, and be compassionate and honest even when you are embarrassed and scared of what could happen.

3. End the affair – for good

Make sure that you truly end the affair; refuse and any all forms of communication with the other man/woman. Let your partner know if the other person tries to contact you, even if that is bound to get your partner upset. Avoid going to places where you might bump into that person. And when you do see him/her by accident, let your partner know as soon as possible.

Your partner needs constant and continuous reassurance that the affair is over. They would certainly doubt that at first, but they could begin to believe so, over time.

4. Apologize and do not walk away

You would have to apologize again and again. You need to acknowledge that the affair has changed the relationship – probably forever. It is best that you also write to your partner about this, even if you see each other every day. It is more concrete and it could be a reminder that you are sorry, even when you are not around. Always be prepared to face the pain that the affair has wrought and be there for your partner.

5. Make amends
Rebuild your credibility – that cannot be achieved by just one grand gesture of apology though. Do chores for him/her. For example, if your partner does not like doing the laundry, you can take over, from that point on. It may seem like a small thing but it is actually a gesture of good will and your intention to make things better.

Always let your partner know where you are, even if he/she doesn’t ask. Maintain a consistent schedule so he knows where you are and what you are doing. Make yourself more available for your partner too – emotionally and physically. Encourage him/her to call you anytime.

6. Establish healthy boundaries with people of the sex you are attracted to

Go out of your way to show that you have learned your lesson and are not interested in engaging in another affair. Avoid situations where there could be potential temptations. This could mean avoiding close relationships with new friends, and situations where you could end up alone with someone who has been trying to flirt with you.

It takes time to regain trust after an affair. Do not rush things. But remember that the first few days and weeks after the discovery of the affair are crucial. If your partner constantly feels loved and secure during that period, you will have better chances of rebuilding that relationship. You can regain trust by demonstrating consistent behavior and accountability over time. It might be difficult but just think about how grateful you should be that your partner decided to stick with you, after all that has happened.